Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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