Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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