tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All I want is dick and wine.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
