My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
