i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
