Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
