I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
