This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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