My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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