So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
