I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
