Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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