Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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