I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
