I'm gonna have a badass scar
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
