Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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