Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
