He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
this is an emotional support booty call
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
