I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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