I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
