No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
