She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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