i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Too much gin, very little bucket
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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