I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
