i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
