i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found a bag of teeth...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
