I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
