So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
