I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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