He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
