I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
