Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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