I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
