why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
