I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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