She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
