We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
