You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
