I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
