He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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