when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
