So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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