There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
