a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
