He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
