dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
