I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
