He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
