I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
