doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
