i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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