I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i came on her dog
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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