I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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